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How to Tell If You or Your Loved One Has a Drinking Problem: A Therapist’s Perspective


Angry man holding a drink

As a therapist, one of the most challenging yet important conversations I have with clients involves recognizing and addressing problematic drinking. Alcohol is deeply woven into the fabric of our social lives, which can make it difficult to identify when drinking shifts from a social activity to a more serious issue. If you're wondering whether you or someone you care about might have a drinking problem, you're not alone—and taking the time to explore this possibility is a crucial first step toward making positive changes.


The Fine Line Between Social Drinking and Problem Drinking


Alcohol use exists on a spectrum. For many, it’s a way to unwind after a long day, a social lubricant at gatherings, or a way to celebrate milestones. However, there are subtle signs that drinking may be shifting into unhealthy territory.


Here are a few questions to consider:


  • Is drinking a primary coping mechanism? If alcohol has become your go-to solution for managing stress, anxiety, or other emotional challenges, this could indicate a growing dependence.

  • Are there attempts to cut back that fail? If you or your loved one has tried to cut back on drinking but finds it difficult or impossible to do so, it might be a sign of alcohol use disorder (AUD).

  • Is drinking impacting responsibilities? Notice if alcohol consumption is starting to affect your work, relationships, or daily responsibilities. For example, missing work due to hangovers or neglecting family commitments.

  • Is there a change in tolerance? Over time, people who drink regularly often find that they need more alcohol to achieve the same effects. This increase in tolerance can be an early sign of dependency.


Signs That Drinking Has Become a Problem


While the questions above can provide some initial insight, there are also more definitive signs that alcohol has become a problem:


  • Preoccupation with drinking: Thinking about drinking when you’re not, planning your day around when you can drink, or feeling anxious when alcohol isn’t available.

  • Increased secrecy: Drinking alone or hiding alcohol consumption from others can signal a problem. This behavior often stems from shame or a fear of judgment.

  • Neglecting important activities: If hobbies, interests, or social activities are being pushed aside in favor of drinking, it’s a red flag.

  • Continuing to drink despite negative consequences: This might be one of the clearest signs. If drinking is causing problems in relationships, work, or health, but the behavior continues, it’s time to take a closer look.


Even if You Don’t Meet All the Criteria


It’s important to note that even if you or your loved one doesn’t meet all the criteria mentioned above, it’s still worth considering professional support if there’s concern about drinking. Sometimes, the mere worry that alcohol might be becoming a problem is enough to warrant a conversation with a therapist who specializes in addiction. A professional can help you assess your situation, identify any early warning signs, and determine the best course of action.


Understanding the Emotional Impact


One of the most overlooked aspects of problematic drinking is the emotional toll it can take—both on the person drinking and on their loved ones. Individuals struggling with alcohol may experience guilt, shame, or anxiety about their drinking. Loved ones, on the other hand, may feel helpless, frustrated, or afraid.

It’s important to acknowledge these emotions rather than push them aside. If you’re concerned about a loved one’s drinking, approach the conversation with empathy. Avoid accusations or blame, and instead focus on expressing your concern and desire to support them.


Approaches to Recovery: Abstinence vs. Moderation


When it comes to addressing problematic drinking, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. The best approach depends on the individual’s unique situation, goals, and relationship with alcohol. Two common approaches are abstinence and moderation:


  • Abstinence involves completely eliminating alcohol from one’s life. This approach is often recommended for individuals with severe alcohol use disorders or those who find it difficult to control their drinking.

  • Moderation focuses on reducing alcohol intake to safer levels rather than quitting entirely. This approach may be suitable for individuals who are not physically dependent on alcohol and feel they can manage their drinking in a controlled way.


Deciding between abstinence and moderation can be a complex process, and it’s one that’s best navigated with the help of a therapist.


When to Seek Help


If you recognize these signs in yourself or someone you care about, seeking help is a courageous and necessary step. Early intervention can make a significant difference. Consider speaking with a therapist who specializes in addiction or exploring 12-step or other mutual aid groups.

Therapy can provide a safe space to explore the underlying causes of drinking, develop healthier coping mechanisms, and build a support system for long-term recovery. Remember, reaching out for help isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a step toward reclaiming your life.


Final Thoughts


Recognizing a drinking problem in yourself or a loved one can be a difficult process. However, it’s an essential first step toward making meaningful changes. If any of the signs above resonate with you, or even if you’re simply concerned about your drinking, know that you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Support is available, and recovery is possible. Taking that first step, whether it's a conversation with a therapist or a trusted friend, can set the foundation for a healthier, more fulfilling life.


Author’s Note: If you or someone you know is struggling with alcohol use, I encourage you to reach out to a mental health professional for support. At Waterloo Therapy Group, we have experienced therapists who specialize in addiction and can help you explore your relationship with alcohol. Schedule an appointment with us today, and together, we can work toward recovery and healing.



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