Valentine’s Day is around the corner - cue the chocolate, teddy bears, and romance! If reading that gave you anxiety - you’re not alone! According to Plenty of Fish (the dating app!), 43% of singles think Valentine’s Day is the highest-pressure holiday of the year! Given that people spend an average of $130 to make someone feel special, the percentage of couples who stress out about the holiday is probably around the same as their single counterparts. But what if you could create a sexy Valentine’s Day without all the pressure? Well, it’s possible and easier than you think! Let’s explore some unique ways to get the sexy Valentine’s Day you’ve always craved!
TL;DR? Here’s an overview of what to focus on:
|
#1) Set Your Valentine's Day Expectations with Your Partner
Whether you’re single, dating, or married, if you have any sexual or romantic partners you need to talk about your Valentine’s Day expectations. If you think it sounds cliche, you need to remember that your partner isn’t a mind reader. Being open and honest about what you expect can help you both in the long run. Not only will it decrease the pressure but it can also increase the intimacy between you.
While we’re at it, let’s add this part in: please be realistic when setting your expectations. If your partner isn’t romantic, Valentine’s Day isn’t going to be the thing that flips the switch. You can talk about those limitations together but setting an unrealistic expectation is only going to lead you to being disappointed while they feel pressured.
What if I’m Not with Anyone Right Now?
Valentine’s Day might be considered the most romantic holiday on the planet but believing that could be making you anxious. Why can’t you celebrate in your own unique way with your friends? Set those expectations with yourself and make it happen! If you’re looking forward to celebrating Valentine’s Day with your platonic friends, the only thing that can stop you from making it sexy is you. Sometimes we get caught up in what we think we should be doing to celebrate Valentine’s Day but the reality is we often stand in our own way. When we get out of our heads and reframe our perception of the holiday, we can be honest about what we really want to do and who we want to do it with.
Remember: sexy isn’t something you wear, it’s something you are. It comes from having confidence in yourself and your own abilities. So, stand up and know that you’re sexy!
#2) Go Deeper with Your Presence, Not Presents
You might not be ready to hear this one BUT you don’t need more stuff. I know, I know, we all want more stuff but do we really need it? There’s more than one way to approach gift-giving on Valentine’s Day. Obviously, go back to point #1 and ensure you’re setting realistic expectations. If you want jewelry but your partner can’t afford the items on your wish list, talk about it. Jewelry won’t increase your intimacy, though. Do you know what will? Being fully present without distraction.
When you plan out your sexy Valentine’s Day, don’t leave out the part where you both put away the things that distract us (like cell phones!) so you can connect on a deeper level. If we’re being honest, your undivided attention is probably the best present you could give someone.
While you’re at dinner, play a game of 20 questions while waiting for your appetizers to arrive.
I’ll let you Google some questions that drive intimacy but here are a few worth trying:
What does your perfect day look like?
How did you know you were falling for me?
What are the top 5 things we’ve done together?
Has our relationship taught you anything about yourself?
What’s one thing that you’re afraid to tell anyone?
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been with someone, you’ll never know everything about them. Keep asking questions and you’ll strengthen your emotional intimacy. If you want to turn up the heat a few notches, ask these questions during dessert:
What’s a randomly unique thing about me that you find sexy?
What role do you want sex to play in our future?
Is there one move that I make that drives you wild?
What’s something you’ve fantasized about but never tried?
What’s one thing you really want to try tonight?
To create a truly sexy Valentine’s Day, intimacy should be your focus but you can’t have intimacy without being present. Before asking for another thing, ask yourself if your partner’s presence is enough.
What if I’m Single?
Valentine’s Day is a great time to get to know yourself better - even if you’re not single! Use this time to show up for yourself and put yourself first. Does that mean go out and buy yourself a gift? You can or you can invest that time and money in your self-care routine. If you’re planning on spending Valentine’s Day with your friends, that’s great! Spending time with people you care about is a great self-care activity and you can practice being present in those moments, too. Go deeper in your friendships by asking thoughtful questions like:
If you were on a reality TV show, what would you want people to walk away knowing about you?
What are two places you want to visit?
If we only had 3 days left on earth, how would you spend those 3 days?
Do you believe in love at first sight?
What’s your happy place?
You don’t need to be in a relationship to enjoy the intimacy that Valentine’s Day can bring you. Tailor your day (and night!) to fit where you are right now and enjoy it!
#3) Lighten Up a Little - It’s Just Another Day
I have a friend who thinks this holiday is goofy! When she started dating her husband, she made it very clear that she doesn’t take Valentine’s Day seriously and urged him not to go the mushy-gushy route. Their first Valentine’s Day together was spent apart because he booked a trip to Amsterdam before they started dating. They celebrated when he returned and her gifts included a tulip in a can: a gift from the Red Light District. They’ve been together for 15 years and her husband hasn’t missed a beat by gifting her weird and often nerdy gifts for Valentine’s Day. They found a way to take the pressure off of Valentine’s Day and its gift-giving by lightening up and making the holiday quirky.
We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to make Valentine’s Day perfect but when was the last time you had a perfect day? Was it planned? Probably not. Lean into the lighter side of Valentine’s Day!
It’s important to remember that it’s just another day on the calendar. Don’t get wrapped up in the societal pressures and expectations of this holiday. You get to decide how meaningful this day is to you. You also get to decide if sex is on or off the table - read into that however you’d like!
The bottom line is you make the rules for how you want to interact with Valentine’s Day. If you’re intimate with someone, find some middle ground so you can both enjoy the holiday. At the end of the day, there aren’t any concrete rules for this holiday. Figure out how you unknowingly add stress and anxiety around the holiday and you’ll start to feel the pressure lift so you can enjoy Valentine’s Day on your terms.
댓글